As The Deer

I found myself humming "As The Deer" while holding and rocking my sleeping "baby" a little longer tonight. I'm reminded how much I want to be that thirsty for God. I've realized how swiftly life passes in the last 16 months. JohnDavid has literally grown up before my eyes and it seems to have happened over night. Yet, it seems he's always been here and I don't remember life before him nor do I remember much of his "baby" days. I find these truths of life to be bittersweet. My failing memory is so frustrating. JohnDavid is very much a toddler these days. He still needs and wants me a lot but it sure isn't as much as those early days. He used to cling to the comfort of my breast and now he clings to my face with those tiny hands or my neck with those arms wrapped so tightly. He used to smell like a baby (moms, you know what I mean) and now he smells like a boy when he's been outside or the taco he just ate. He loves to be close to my face when he's falling asleep but he loves his space, independence and prefers to walk rather than being carried. He does still like for us to be in eyesight but soon enough that will change! Even his beloved pacifier, affectionately known as Susi, gets pushed to the wayside sometimes. I long to soak up so much about him that I feel I forget it all. I never want to forget what it feels like to hold him this close. I never want to forget that tiny neck hug or the Eskimo kisses on that precious nose. I'm overjoyed that God chose me to be his mother. I love this little big boy so much more than I ever thought possible, so much more than I could ever explain...but there's Someone who loves him more. Jesus loves JohnDavid much more than I ever could or will. I'm reminded of how much I should cling to Jesus like JohnDavid does to me, and I'm also reminded how much Jesus loves me in the same way He loves JohnDavid. Pondering God and His love is so amazing and it indeed does make me "panteth" for Him.

🎶As the deer panteth for the water
So my soul longeth after thee
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship thee

You alone are my strength my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship thee

You're my friend and You are my brother,
Even though you are a king.
I love you more thank any other,
So much more than anything.

I want You more than gold or silver,
Only You can satisfy.
You alone are the real joy Giver,
And the apple of my eye.🎶